


The Horniest Guy in Lima, Ohio

by pulpobsessed



Category: Glee
Genre: M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-09-03
Updated: 2020-09-03
Packaged: 2021-03-06 17:35:46
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 15,555
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/26262778
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/pulpobsessed/pseuds/pulpobsessed
Summary: Five times the horniest guy in Lima, Ohio found out how great it is to be ambidextrous, and one time he didn't have to.
Relationships: Kurt Hummel/David Karofsky
Comments: 3
Kudos: 20





	The Horniest Guy in Lima, Ohio

Okay, so I kinda thought that after I got myself a boyfriend...no, not just boyfriend - a smoking hot boyfriend. Yeah… that's what he is! Anyways, so I always thought that once I got my smoking hot boyfriend, all those fucking nights of jacking off alone in my room would be behind me. Unless, of course, it was said boyfriend who would be doing the jacking, and maybe while the boyfriend's dick was in my mouth or something….and even then, not so much alone, am I right?

But then said boyfriend showed up at my front door, all sad and depressed because he’s stuck in a dead end job and wanted so very badly to follow his dreams in New York. And what does stupid old Dave do - encourage him to go! “Go! Follow your dreams, Kurt. I’ll be here and next year, if all goes right, I’ll start at NYU!” And, you gotta know that it’s not that I’m mad or upset that he’s gone - I wanted him to go and had been saying so from day one! But, when you’ve denied yourself something - like sex - for so long...when it’s gone, it fucking sucks!

(And not in the way I suck…)

So now, smoking hot boyfriend was off following his dreams in New York City, and me, well I was fucking stuck alone in Lima, Ohio and that meant there was no other perfect hand, hot mouth or insanely beautiful ass to help me out with getting any relief. Nope! Now suddenly, I had to fucking paint my damn pickle all by myself! Which I did - often. Cause, who has two thumbs and wants to have sex like all the fucking time - this guy right here. Yup, I’m like the horniest guy in town - just one big old hairy, horny bear cub! Especially when any thoughts of Kurt were involved. 

And, you know what? My beautiful, sexy, insanely hot boyfriend does not help matters in the least! He’s the constant cause of my problems - and I’m never sure if he knows that he’s doing it or not. 

Wait! I’m not telling this story right at all! You’re probably wondering - how the fuck did Dave Karofsky end up dating the hottest guy in Ohio? (And yah, I know I said Ohio and not the world. Well, as hot as my boyfriend is, even he would tell me to shut up and acknowledge the perfection that is Chris Evans?) 

Anyways - here’s the T. About seven months ago - back in June - Kurt showed up at my house in tears, cause Blaine…the asshole ferret like shithead Kurt thought was actually boyfriend material... was being an asshole again. Like, he was actually happy that Kurt didn’t get to follow his dreams in New York and was stuck in Ohio to bask in the warmth of Blaine’s effervescent glow. Which was bullshit - that's not how boyfriends act! I should know - I am one, afterall! 

Right, fuck! I’m getting side tracked. So...Kurt showed up crying, and I had no clue what to do other than hug him, which - being the insanely horny guy I am, was not a great idea as I popped a boner like in two second flat. But then something awesome happened - Kurt asked if I still liked him! And in my most suave move (read, not suave at all) I said yes. 

(Actually what I said was, “Uh, yeah...like...yeah...I mean… shit...Kurt...I...love. Uh, yes?”)

Well, after that, he left so fast, I didn’t even know what was happening. I just figured he was blown away by how suave and sexy I was. Two weeks later, he showed up at my door again and asked me on a date. And ya know, I still don’t know what happened between him and Blaine - other Blaine throwing an ice cream cone from Dairy Queen at me one day and Finn looking very frightened when I asked about what happened. 

But in the end - I ended up with a hot boyfriend who loves me and even likes how horny I am. Plus, I think there’s a permanent exhibition of me in the boyfriend hall of fame - cause he always says how much I blow him away with how supportive I am. 

Course, I think the other ways I blow him help to impress him too. 

So, yeah, to sum up - I’m horny - like very horny. Kurt dumped Blaine and leveled up with me. Kurt’s living in New York - working as an intern at Vogue. And I’m still in Lima, finishing my senior year. My dad tried hard to get me to graduate last year, cause of extenuating circumstances, but the school board was not having it. And I ended up back at McKinley redoing my senior year - but I’m also doing a college level Algebra course online. 

That catches us all up, right? Okay, now lemme get back to what I was talking about - me having to choke my chicken all by my lonesome, all the fucking time. And believe me when I say that it is all the fucking time, because all I can think about is sex. And Kurt...especially sex with Kurt. Kurt naked...me naked...Kurt touching me...Kurt licking me…

FUCK! Excuse me, now I gotta go find a damn private bathroom somewhere! 

**That one time Kurt’s visit to the West Village made me paint my pickle**

Right...I’m back. So what was I saying? Oh yeah! 

The first time I found myself thanking whatever god there is that someone invented masturbation was not long after Kurt left for New York and we were on the phone. Kurt was gushing about walking around the West Village for the first time - and lamenting that I wasn’t there so we could hold hands while strolling down Gay Street. 

Because of fucking course New York has a fucking street named for us gays. 

Kurt was going on and on about how awesome the West Village is and how he made Rachel spend an entire day going from store to store and cafe to cafe. And I swear, I was listening really closely - but it was just that when Kurt started describing every single flavour of cupcake at some place called Magnolia...well my brain started wandering. And as usual, my hand wandered straight down to my dick. 

And Kurt’s voice? Fuck, it’s such a turn on. But hearing him say things like “whipped cream” or “slathered with chocolate”, well I couldn’t help it. I started getting hard. But as I was zoning out and thinking about Kurt licking whipped cream off my balls, Kurt managed to derail that particular train of thought and sent me off on something much more dangerous!

“Oh my god! Dave! There was this one store, it only sold leather! And I think that when you visit we should go in and you have to try something on.” 

“Huh? What?” 

“Leather Dave, like in that one video you really like.”

“Uh...like a harness or something?” 

“Yeah! I know you’re shy about showing off your body, unless it’s to me - but I think you’d look hot in one. There was a guy trying one on that looked a little like you - but older - and wow. Rachel said I couldn’t stop blushing for the rest of the day.” 

So, see after that, all I could think about was me wearing a leather harness, lying on a bed, balls deep in Kurt, who was writhing on top of me. And I can honestly swear, up to that point, I have never been so hard in my entire fucking life. I literally could not stop thinking about it - not for one damn second, even when Kurt moved on and talked about this fucking pizza place that he and Rachel ate at. 

Like fuck, Kurt - I do not care about how good the damn pepperoni is! I want to hear more about how you want me to start wearing a leather harness! But I did the polite boyfriend thing and I listened dutifully as he talked about pizza and then some bookstore and then some fucking record store. When all I wanted was to scream - “I NEED TO CUM KURT!” But I was patient and waited - I’m a good boyfriend like that.

Finally, Rachel managed to interrupt him by asking for help with some weird dance thing. And as tempting as it was to agree to watch them practice over Skype, I told him I needed to go finish my Algebra homework. I know he didn’t believe me because he’s seen how fast I can do that shit, but still he sighed and said I love you and went off to show Rachel how to not be awkward when doing a body roll or whatever. 

The moment I hung up, I was shoving my pants down and gripping my very painful erection - I didn’t even bother with lube, I knew I wasn’t about to last long. 

I let the thought of me in a leather harness swim happily to the forefront of my brain - it would be just tight enough to accentuate my pecs and it would rest heavily on my shoulders - with a solid metal ring sitting right in the centre of my chest, perfect for Kurt to hold onto. I’d flex a little and make the leather creak. And Kurt would be straddling me - his perfect strong thighs on either side of my hips, gripping me. As my imaginary Kurt slowly lowered himself down onto my cock, my hand picked up the pace and I could feel my balls tightening. 

Imaginary Kurt - looking so wild and undone was panting as he moved his body slowly up and down, whining and moaning every time he bottomed out on me. And when he used his legs to push himself up again, I’d thrust upwards - and as my dick slammed agianst his prostrate, his head would fall backwards with a lusty scream, “Fuck Dave!” 

That was enough for me - the moment my imaginary Kurt screamed my name, I had to turn my head and bite my pillow as I came. I screamed into the pillow as I came hard all over my hand and stomach. 

I lay there, panting, eyes squeezed shut. And I knew, without a single doubt in my mind, that the very first I was doing when I went to visit Kurt, was to buy one of those harnesses.

And I gotta say, my little horniness problem - well, it only got worse from there on out! Like it started getting pretty intense! 

**The time Kurt’s nipple made me choke my chicken**

You know, if there’s one thing I’m really happy about is that I’m ambidextrous - like I can use either hand for anything. And I mean anything. I can write with both hands, I can deal cards, I can chop food easily, and of course I can whack the willy with either my left or my right. And there are times, like when you want a multisensory experience, that a talent like that comes in very handy. 

No pun intended. 

I’d been having a great day - gotten a hundred percent on my biology midterm, I’d finally convinced Sam to help me put together a Dungeons and Dragons group, and my dad had agreed to make his famous fried chicken for dinner. Yeah, all in all it had been a pretty awesome day. Plus, I was going to skype with Kurt that night - which sometimes meant a little striptease, if I was lucky. 

He hates having phone or cam sex - said it makes him feel weird and awkward, no matter how many times I reassured him that he was sex on a fucking stick. But I always let him take the lead - no matter how horny I was. And that night, it was pretty clear I wasn’t getting a show - well not intentionally anyways. 

He had just come back from Vogue - where, apparently I was still big news after sending him a huge bouquet of flowers for his first day. But tonight he was all aflutter with excitement over helping make some selections to highlight for their outfit of the month section...or whatever. If I’m being totally honest, I find fashion and that stuff really really boring. Course, I still read every word of it when it gets published online - cause Kurt’s involved in it, so that means it’s special. And I did kind of like the shirt he sent me - all pink and yellow. I might have worn the shit out of it for three days straight. 

Anyways, I’m getting off track here. Kurt wanted to tell me all about his day at work - but only after gushing about my bio text - and I’d been listening really closely! Even asking questions - like why is a circle scarf was better than a non circle scarf, which got me an exasperated look. But then, he went and made it hard to focus. 

“God damn it!” 

“Kurt? What’s wrong?” 

“Nothing - except Rachel turned the heat up again, and it makes my damn room like a sauna! Hold on, I’m just going to take my sweater off.” 

Immediately, I was fully focused on the screen, trying not to grin like a pervert. He pulled off that really nice royal blue sweater - something I only know about because he’d explained what royal blue was. And then my breath caught in my chest - he was wearing this really tight white t-shirt and the only thing I could see were his really hard nipples. 

Like they were just...right there. 

And instantly, I remembered that one night - just before he left for New York - when we discovered how sensitive my nippels are. How he’d used his fingers and mouth to make me completely lose my mind. 

Completely oblivious to the anguish that damn t-shirt was causing me, Kurt had gone back to explaining why he disagreed with Isabelle’s decision to highlight microprint dresses...or something...but I was having a very hard time focusing. Because all I could think about was how hard I had come when Kurt had bit down on my left nipple...and how hard I was getting at that very moment. And unlike when we talk on the phone, I couldn’t just lazily stroke myself - because I was on cam, sitting crossed legged on my bed, in full view of my boyfriend. 

Two hours later, during which I’d forced myself to think mostly about Kurt’s dad, Kurt finally realized it was almost midnight and we should probably both go to bed. I’d nodded sadly - cause as horny as I was, talking to Kurt was still preferable to not talking to Kurt. 

“I miss you Kurt.” 

“I miss you too, Dave! And thanks for listening to me moan about work!” 

“I don’t mind! You know that!”

“Tomorrow, I’ll listen to you talk about whatever you want!”

“What if I want to tell you about my character for D&D?”

“If you can fake being interested in the difference between chenille and chiffon, then I can fake being interested in how you want to be a hobbit or wizard or whatever…” 

“A rogue orc. That’s my character. And I wasn’t faking - you make it sound interesting.” 

Kurt had laughed at that and then stretched, which only made his damn shirt grow even tighter over his pecs - really highlighting those beautiful nipples - and I felt myself harden all over again. We then spent the next five minutes saying I love and I miss you and goodbye...then he was gone. And I was instantly pulling off my shirt and shoving down my shorts. 

I kelt on the bed, cause sometimes I like to change my position up a little, I slipped my left hand down between my thighs and played gently with my balls - I moaned softly. I imagined Kurt was kneeling in front of me and that it was his hand reaching between my legs - god, it always felt so good when he touched me. 

My right hand, well that I let stroke my chest a bit - feeling the soft hair tickle my palm - until it settled on my increasingly hardening right nipple. I twisted it between my thumb and forefinger - instantly a bolt of arousal rocketed through me and straight to my dick. Slowly, as I rolled the hard nipple between my fingers, I started to stroke my cock. With every stroke I twisted or pulled on my nipple. When my right nipple started aching deliciously, I switched sides and started all over again. 

I could hear my breaths coming a little faster now - which was always a sure sign I was getting nice and close. I twisted a little extra hard, causing my dick to give a bit of a jump - fuck it felt so good. But it wasn’t my hand doing that...oh no, it was Kurt’s mouth. Kurt’s mouth was sucking and gently biting my nipple. Add it was his hand that was stroking me off…

Yeah...that’s right. And I wasn’t allowed to touch - no! He’d used a scarf - maybe that circle scarf - to tie my hands behind my back. Oh! Fuck! He was working me over, while my arms were straining against the soft fabric. Oh God! He was biting one nipple, while twisting the other and jacking me faster and faster and…

“Oh fuck!” I cried out, loud and hoarse as I came all over my duvet cover. I sagged forward, hands bolting forward to brace myself on the mattress. I was breathing heavy and fast, eyes still tightly shut. I gave a shiver as an aftershock of my orgasm rippled across my body. 

Then...cause, you know, fuck my life. There was a knock at my door. And my dad softly asked, “Dave, are you okay in there? I heard you yell.” 

I instantly lept of the bed and hurried to the door, pressing my hand on it, so he couldn’t open it. “Yeah, dad...uh, I uh stubbed my toe and it just hurt.” Fuck. Fuck. Fuck!

“Oh, okay…” He paused, then I heard a soft chuckle. “Well, goodnight kid. See you in the morning.” I could hear his soft laughter as he walked away. Motherfucker. I sagged against the door and decided not to change up positions again, unless I was sure I was alone. 

I also made a note to ask Kurt to wear that shirt the next time I saw him in person. 

**The time Az helped me chuck my corn (And no! Not in the way you think)**

Okay, you’re gonna love this! 

So, in disgustingly embarrassing stories, I did something really crazy yesterday. Like really crazy - and kinda hot too. I went to that adultmart store just on the outskirts of town - to buy myself a dildo. That’s not the embarrassing part, really. No, what made the whole fucking experience embarrasing was haivng my idiot best fucking friend come with me. 

Lemme break it down - I ended up heading to the store mostly because the other night while I was charming my cobra, my unoccupied hand decided to do a little exploring of its own and I ended up fingering myself. Now, to be real, it’s not like this was the first time I’ve ever played with my ass - I’ve done it plenty of times over the years. But about two months before Kurt left for New York, I let him fuck me for the first time. And I’m pretty sure the moment I felt Kurt push inside me, a switch got turned on and I became the biggest bottom you’ll ever find. 

The problem was - once I took his cock, I just wasn’t interested in anything else. So, I’ve pretty much ignored that whole area since Kurt left - i figured that fingers just weren’t going to be all that much fun anymore. But then the other night happened - and let me tell you, once that second finger went in I was panting and coming harder than I thought possible. And I was like - oh! Assplay...this needs some more experimentation!

So, the other day, since it was a Saturday and I had nothing else to do, I decided to go take a little drive out to Adultmart and find something fun to quench that particular thirst. Unfortunately, I was dumb enough mention my little plan to Az. 

Oh yeah - I forgot to mention, he and I are friends again. Mostly thanks to Kurt, who apparently drove to his house, screamed at him and told him to grow up and apologize to his best friend. Which he did. Now, unfortunately, Az is trying to be as super supportive as he possibly can be, which means he’s kinda weirdly obsessed with anything gay. And the moment I told Az I was going to Adultmart - he announced he was coming along. 

So, there we were - sitting in the parking lot of a really depressing brown building, both way too nervous to actually walk inside. Well, I wasn’t actually nervous - just really really horny and anxious about getting some private time to myself and my new toys, Az was the actual nervous one. 

“Dude, I cannot believe you talked me into this!”

“Az, I did not talk you into this, I told you where I was going and why and you decided to come with me.”

“Yeah, but now we’re here and I’ve never done something like this before. Man, when I apologized and said I’d support your gay ass, I never thought I’d be doing this.” 

“This is what you get - now, are you coming in or are you gonna sit here, like a pussy, while I go buy what I want to buy?”

“I’m coming in...I wanna buy, uh...a…”

“A what? Az - I just told you I was buying a dildo, and I think you can figure out why, so whatever it is, just tell me.” 

“I want a fleshlight.” 

“You’re disgusting. And I think this is the strangest thing we’ve ever done as friends.”

So, we went in - Az found what he wanted within minutes. Me, well, I had not exactly expected there being quite so large a selection! Rubber. Silicone. Glass. Metal. Ribbed. Non-ribbed. Ones that vibrate and ones that don’t. Ones with attachments! Ones that have multiple ends and different shapes. Plugs of so many shapes - all of which were very stimulating to look at! Even ones in the shape of fists. And so many sizes, like holy fuck! Some were as small as my little toe and some were as big as my bicep! There was even one that looked like a lifesize fire hydrant! What the fuck! Who would put that up their ass!?

And as embarrassing as it was, to be standing there, staring at all the possible fake dicks I could fuck myself with, I think the best and worst part of the while experience was when my best friend came over to see why I was taking so fucking long. Man, the look on his face when he saw that I was holding the Mr. Savage Ass Destroyer Silicone Ribbed Dildo. Man, that was funny shit and I really would gladly pay money to see Az’s face on repeat for the next hundred years - the guy looked like he was going to faint! 

Don’t freak - I didn’t buy that one. I bought a sensible eight inch, ribbed silicone one and a very exciting looking little blue butt plug that I already knew was going to be my best friend. The older lady at the check out gave me a wink and sent me on my way with a cheerful, “Enjoy!” As I bounced out of the store - with a definite spring in my step - Az was waiting by my truck, clutching his brown bag, looking like he was about to have a panic attack. Amateur! 

But here’s the shitty part of my little tale of embarrassment! I never got to use them that night! All I’d managed to do was admire them as I hid them away in the bottom drawer of my dresser. But Az, of course, invited himself over to watch movies and play video games, and he was more than happy to stay for dinner - I think he did it on purpose! I finally kicked him out around midnight, but was too damn tired to work up the energy to do anything with them. 

Sunday, however, I had plans. Big plans. I was gonna lock myself in my room and work up a real big appetite. And then...my dad barged into my room just as I was waking up, informing me that I was coming with him and Burt on a male bonding fishing trip - in October. 

Fuck my life! 

Okay, I figured I could still salvage the day - we’d get back by four and I could escape for a few hours...no biggie. Wow, was I wrong. We had to have dinner at LuLu’s - not that I was complaining, I mean have you had their burgers?! But we didn’t get back till eight! And then my smoking hot boyfriend texted me, _I miss you! Can we talk tonight? Maybe watch a movie together?_ And how could I say no to that!?

So there I was - watching Thor, cause Kurt hadn’t seen it yet - and trying not to look over at the bottom drawer of my dresser, wondering if I could just whip them out and put on a little show for Kurt. No...usually we liked to have sexy talk before we did anything dirty on cam. Plus he seemed so relaxed and I didn’t want to make him feel awkward. But then he went and did it again…

After the movie, he repositioned himself so he could lean back on the bed, putting the laptop between his legs, giving me a full view of his very impressive crotch. Instantly, I got hard and started thinking even more about my toys. And then - dammit Kurt! - he made it worse and started licking his buttery fingers in the most seductive way humanly possible, all the while telling me about how he thinks Captain America was a better movie than Thor. 

(well, duh!)

I had to force myself to think about his dad again - always a mood killer - to even try and have a conversation. And just as I’m managing to follow along and tell him that Sam was planning a Lord of the Rings marathon and I wished he could go with me, he started sucking on a finger. And, well fuck, my hand immediately shot to my groin - gripping my dick to try and quell the erection. Luckily, I really don’t think he noticed that I was practically massaging my dick while we talked. 

I sat like that for the rest of our chat - using the pain of my iron grip to keep focus and not think about what else I wish was being sucked into that beautiful mouth of his. Or how much I wished those greasy fingers were pushing into my ass. 

Finally, he said he wanted to get to bed, and after we blew a flurry of kisses to each other, I logged off. I jumped off the bed and, pulling off my shirt, I hurried to the door to lock it - I wanted zero interruptions. Then I dropped my sweats and walked over to my dresser - cock proudly standing at attention. 

I picked up the dildo and walked back to the bed, grabbing some lube from the bedside table. Lying on my back, I slicked up a couple fingers and let them press against my hole. Fuck...I was so turned on that they slide in with little resistance. Slowly, while my other hand was playing with my dick, I started stretching my hole. I remembered the way Kurt did it - rotate your wrist and do a scissoring move with your fingers. I moaned loudly as I felt those muscles start to give way and open up. 

My hips were thrusting up off the mattress - pumping my dick into my hand. God...it felt so good. I needed more - I needed to feel something more in me. I pulled my fingers out and grabbed the dildo, slicking it up with a very generous amount of lube. Then I carefully positioned it against my hole, taking a deep breath, I pushed it in. 

As the head pushed into me, my whole body gave a shudder - it was big, much bigger than my fingers - and even a little bigger than Kurt. For a second, I wasn’t sure I could do this… it might be too big. Then, I took another deep breath and pushed a little...oh, holy fuck! It burned! I gasped out loud - eyes growing wide as my ass gave way to the dildo’s girth. 

I paused for a second - then pushed more. This time it went in much easier - just sliding into me. I let out this loud moan and then whimpered as it bottomed out in me. I lay there - gasping for breath. The burn in my ass was spreading out across my whole body - oh wow! My ass felt so full - I had no idea that something like this could feel this good. I mean, it’s no Kurt - but jesus it was almost as good. 

My hips started thrusting again and I knew I could handle more. I tried to pull it out a bit, but the angle was all wrong and I kept fumbling, causing the dildo to keep falling out of me. 

“Fuck!” 

I decided to try something - and rolled over. I pulled my knees up, so my ass was up in the air - ending up in the same position that I’d been in the first time Kurt fucked me. I could easily reach back and grip the dildo now. I started to fuck myself - I had to keep my face pressed into the pillow as I was crying out with every thrust of the dildo - the noises I was making were turning me on even more! My other hand was jacking myself off so furiously that I was sure I was going to get a friction burn. 

I started to fuck myself faster and faster - the burn was so delicious and hot - I was whining and moaning. Whimpering out Kurt’s name with each thrust - oh god, I was so turned on. This was the horniest I’d ever been. I felt like my whole body was on fire. 

“Fuck Kurt...god! Yes...fuck me!” My voice was a loud whine in my ears. And as I pushed the dildo back in - bruising my prostate - I came hard. My vision went completely white and my whole body started shaking. I could feel wetness on my face - shit was I crying? Did I fuck myself so hard that I I made myself cry? 

For a moment I lay there - panting heavily - my ass in the air with a fucking purple ribbed dildo sticking out of it, cum drying on my hand and sheets, wondering what the fuck just happened. No orgasm had ever felt like that - except my first one with Kurt, where I had actually blacked out. 

I carefully reached back and gripped the dildo, pulling it out - whimpering loudly at the loss of how good it felt in me. Then, flopping over onto my back, I stared at the ceiling with a dumb smile on my face. I wondered what it would feel like to put the plug in - and whether I could maybe sleep with it in. Why not try - I mean, my ass was already pretty stretched!

“Holy fuck,” I breathed “I am way more gay than I actually thought.”

**That one time Kurt’s pants made me burp my worm**

So, four days before Thanksgiving, Kurt called me to tell me he wasn’t going to come home for Thanksgiving - which sucks so fucking much! And I had been in a bad mood because of it for days. 

It used to be that when I was in a bad mood - which, let’s face it was almost all the time - I would refuse to tell anyone. I’d let it bubble and simmer and fester for so long that when it did finally come out, it usually did so in a really violent way. But lately, I’m a changed man. I mean, a lot of shit happened that made me change - many months of therapy, some anti-anxiety medication, and finding a great group of friends (plus, smoking hot boyfriend), so I’m much better at communicating these days. 

Unless the bad mood has something to do with the smoking hot boyfriend - then I kind of bottle things up again. Mostly because I’m kinda worried that if I get upset over something that he’s done, he’ll break up with me - which my therapist says is a very negative way to think. But I can't help it. 

I really love Kurt. Like, more than I thought I ever could love someone. And as the person who made it their personal mission to deny ever being allowed to feel these feelings for another guy - my feelings tend to go a little overboard. So, when I’m upset or hurt or mad about something having to do with Kurt - those feelings take up a lot of space in my head. And I don’t like expressing them. 

But Kurt not coming home - that hurt. Like a whole lot. I’d been looking forward to Thanksgiving since Burt and I put him on that plane back in September, and to have just yanked away, well it sucks. 

To distract myself, I spent the one evening reading my Dungeons and Dragons’ player’s manual and working out my backstory - I needed to have it all figured out by Sunday because that’s the day our group was meeting for our first big session. I’m kinda excited - it’s been so long since I embraced being the geek that I am. Plus, Artie seemed to be super excited to be DMing for us. 

I needed to figure out some more physical attributes for my character, so I started googling stuff about orcs and that other part of my brain - the horny side - decided to reassert itself. Cause some of those orcs are kinda sexy - all big, buff, and hairy. There was even one that sorta looked like Chris Pratt, and well...ya know. It’s just as I’m starting to wonder how weird it would be to get off to images of a naked green fantasy character that Kurt calls. 

Unfortunately, this meant that I had to ignore my half hard cock for the moment. He wanted to make sure I was okay - knowing that I was probably upset over his news about Thanksgiving. And a chat about our feelings...not very sexy, really. So I pushed thoughts of naked green men to the side and focused on Kurt. 

“Are you sure you’re not mad after the other night.” 

“No, Kurt, I promise I’m not mad. I know your job is important to you, so it’s important to me. I’ll be pissed off for a couple days, but we’ll talk every day and that’ll help.”

“Are you sure?”

“Yeah - I mean, me being upset has nothing to do with you, it’s all about how much I hate that I’m still here in Lima - in fucking high school.” 

“It’ll be June in no time! And you’ll get into NYU and then we’ll kill New York with how hot of a couple we are.” 

“We are hot, aren’t we?” I have to admit, the moment he called us hot, I started getting excited that this might lead to some really good phone sex - and my dick seemed to think so too. I even settled myself back onto my bed, and shimmied my pants off in hopeful anticipation. But before I could get us rolling down the ole beating the bishop road, Kurt goes and changes the topic. I bite back a groan. 

“Guess what happened today?”

“What?” 

“Isabelle had me model some clothes - which was weird because I was almost naked in the office - but I insisted on changing in the bathroom.” 

“Uh...what?” The image of a naked Kurt filled my imagination. Him proudly walking around some office - that gorgeous cock and perfect ass, just out there begging to be touched. 

“Yeah - she makes interns do this sometimes, I felt so awkward. Especially when one of her assistants called me hot.” 

Naturally, my hand flew down to my dick like it was magnetized. I closed my eyes - as a series of really conflicting emotions started to boil. Arousal at the idea of Kurt being naked, anger at not being there to touch and taste him and jealousy because some other asshole was looking at my boyfriend and commenting on his body. I grunted - not sure I trusted myself to speak. 

“Dave? Are you okay?”

“Yeah...yeah, I’m great.” 

“Oh god! You’re jealous!” 

“I’m…not.” 

“Dave - you know, nothing would ever happen right?”

“I know, Kurt...I just...I really miss you, Kurt.” 

“I miss you too, Dave. And maybe I’ll borrow the skintight leather pants she made me wear today and give you a little fashion show tomorrow. Oh! Wait...hold on.” 

So, here’s the thing - and this should come as no surprise to anyone - but while a naked Kurt really turns me on, Kurt in clothes also makes me horny. Like really horny - fuck, everything about him makes me horny. Hell, if I’m being honest, the idea that he was being checked out kind of makes me horny. My hand was slowly stroking my dick - I already knew what I’m going to be doing the second we hung up. 

“Dave - still there?”

“Yup. Where’d you go?” 

“I had Isabelle take a photo - I’m sending it.” 

My phone vibrated with a new message, I pulled it away from my ear and took a look - I nearly came right then and there. Kurt was posing in these insanely skin tight jeans - he pivoted in such a way that I could see both his insanely round ass and his perfectly accentuated package. He has this confident look on his face. What he calls his sexy face, but I call it, the “Dave will do everything Kurt tells him to look”. It’s especially effective when we’re in bed. 

“What do you think?” 

“I think I have my new wallpaper for my phone. God you’re so hot.”

“Oh Dave! You’re so sweet. I love you.” 

“I love you too.” I wanted to ask him if he’d...you know, help me out a bit. But then he started telling me about all the different designers that he’d tried on that day and I knew the moment was gone. And I was stuck lying there - dick hard and leaking. I thought about putting my pants back on, but at least this way I’d have easy access after our talk. 

Finally, Kurt wanted to get ready for bed, but promised we’d talk on Skype tomorrow. I kinda laid down some major hints that I’d really appreciate some naked time with him tomorrow - hoping that the whole not coming home for Thanksgiving thing would work in my favor. 

“I can stop at CVS in my home and get some lube...I hate using my moisturizer.” 

And, if you’ve learned anything by now, you know how close I came to having an orgasm when Kurt said the word lube. 

Finally, after many I love yous, we hung up. I sat up and yanked off my shirt. I was about to go to town, when my dad knocked. I almost screamed in frustration. 

“Dave? Are you still up? I finished reading Clash of Kings and wanted to return it.” 

Really, dad? Really? You’re bringing me back a fucking book when I’m literally just about to go to pleasuretown. I felt like thrashing around on my bed - screaming. Instead, I heaved myself off the bed, pulled on my pants and stumbled to the door. Praying that my sweats were loose enough that he wouldn’t notice anything. 

“Hey dad. I was just about to get ready for bed.” 

“No worries - did you talk to Kurt?”

“Yeah.” I scream Go away at him in my head. 

“Feeling any better about things” 

Nope - he’s not leaving. “Yeah, a bit. We’re gonna talk as much as we can.” 

“Good! I know it’s hard being apart, but you two are doing so well - I’m so proud of you.” 

“Thanks dad. Uh, can I hit the hay now?” 

“Sure! But can I borrow the next book?” 

OH MY GOD! “Sure, lemme get it.” I practically ran to my bookcase, grabbing what looks like the right book, and nearly shoveled it into his hands. 

He grins at it and then winks at me. Which meant he knew exactly what he was doing. “Have a good sleep Dave.” 

“You too, dad!” I closed the door and locked it. The whole time my dad was cockblocking me, all I could picture was Kurt in those pants. Kurt in those pants standing in my room, looking at me with that face - all cocky confidence and sexy swagger. Fuck! I was so horny that I was trembling. 

“Fuck it.” I moaned softly. I didn’t bother going back to the bed, instead I shoved my pants down right where I was and braced myself against the door to my room. I gripped my cock hard and started jacking myself off. 

In my mind, Kurt was smirking at me. He pointed to the floor, “Get on your knees.” I knelt happily in front of him, and with a sense of reverence slowly undid those insanely tight pants, and pulled out his beautiful dick - already half hard. I looked up at him, eyes large and excited. “May I?” He nodded and I sucked it into my mouth. 

I whimpered as I haunched over a bit more, one arm bracing me against the door while the other was pumping away. I could almost taste the saltiness of his precum and how wonderful the weight of his cock felt on my tongue. His cock’s so hot - it felt like it’s going to burn my mouth. 

“Oh god! Yes…” I was edging now. I could feel my orgasm building - god, I wanted to cum, but only after my imaginary Kurt had. 

In my mind, I picked up the pace - my head bobbing fast and I used my tongue to swirl around the head of his cock. He gripped the side of my head, and took control - working my mouth up and down on his cock. I love it - I love giving him control like this. 

“God...use me, Kurt. Use my mouth!” I’m trying to be quiet. Fuck, I hope I didn’t say that too loudly. 

Imaginary Kurt was working my head even faster now, and I could hear all the little noises that tell me he’s close. Yes...yes...I want him to cum. God I want to taste him again. 

As my imaginary Kurt exploded into my mouth, I bit down onto my arm, strangling my cry as I came all over my hand and onto my door. I stood there, shuddering and sweating heavily. When I thought I could stand and not completely fall to the ground, I pushed myself off the door. Fuck there was cum all over my door. 

I grabbed some tissues and cleaned up, then collapsed back onto my bed. I was already sure that I was going to sleep really well. I braced my phone against the lamp on my bedside table, opening the photo Kurt sent me. Rolling over onto my side, I switched off the lamp and stared at Kurt - god, he’s so fucking hot. Yeah...I knew exactly what I was going to dream of! 

As I was about to drift off, I suddenly remembered - fuck, I forgot to brush my teeth. Dammit. 

**That time when candy forced me cuff my carrot**

I did some googling and apparently I am completely normal - well, okay, I mean not completely normal. I am me afterall, so there’s bound to be at least a couple issues. But there is absolutely fucking nothing wrong with how horny I’ve been. In fact, according to like five articles, the fact that I’m less stressed about life, have an awesome relationship, even have a fun job at a comic book store, and am feeling more confident about myself all probably contribute to me being the horniest guy in Lima. 

So, who has two thumbs, spent his Sunday with a blue butt plug up his ass, and has a perfectly normal high sex drive? This guy, right here. 

The googling came about after I was sitting in my Advanced Physics class and I started noticing how hot Mr. Richards was - all beefy and sexy with that hot beard and looking like he might like having a...oh no! Bad thought! fuck fuck fuck. So, I made myself think of something else, which led to thinking about Kurt. And we all know what happens when I think about Kurt. So I had to ask to be excused and I literally ran to the bathroom, dropped trou and rubbed one out right there. In a bathroom stall at school. 

Immediately, I felt disgusting and like there was something seriously wrong with me! 

So, a googling I went. And here’s a thing you should never do - type, “why am I so horny” into google. Also, never open up a reddit thread about being horny - like jesus fucking christ, people are gross! And that’s coming from a guy, who played video games for six hours on Sunday WITH A BUTT PLUG IN HIS ASS. 

I even asked my therapist about it - cause I was getting kinda worried, like I can’t stop thinking about sex or jacking off. But she said - after laughing at me - that all this was totally normal. That it’s all because I denied myself being open about my sexuality for so long. And so, now my body and brain are letting me really express myself - sexually. And because I have a stable relationship, all the parts of me are on board with it, and all because I have a partner who wants to help me find what makes horny Dave tick. Go Dave and his smoking hot boyfriend!

And you know we expressed my sexuality a lot! LIke a whole fucking lot. Like Kurt and I were helping me express myself sometimes twice a day before he left. 

But yeah, I’m apparently a completely normal, recently out gay guy. And besides turning me into a massive throbbing erection ready to blow at all times, it’s also making me more attractive - apparently. Sam has said so, Az has said so, hell even my dad told me I was looking more handsome these days. Did you know you can turn handsome just by shucking your corn five times a day? Apparently you can! I just thought it was because I’d started wearing the clothes Kurt’s been sending me or suggesting I buy. 

Like yesterday, when I was at the GameStop returning a copy of Assassin's Creed III, because it wouldn’t play on my Xbox. I was wearing this brown and yellow plaid shirt that kinda hugged my chest really well - showing off my pecs - and I had my sleeves rolled up. It was the same look that I had on when my dad awkwardly told me I looked handsome. I had thought about burning the shirt after he said that, but then Kurt said I looked hot, so now it’s my favorite shirt. 

Shit, sorry, got side tracked again - right, I was in GameStop and was looking at the used games when this guy came up to me and said hi. I smiled back and kept looking through the games and was thinking about grabbing Mass Effect, mainly because the main character in that is fucking hot - and if I’m not above stroking one out to a orc, then I have no problem doing it to a video game character. 

But then this guy leaned in, like really close, and said, “Hi, I’m Jeff.” And I’m like, dude personal space issues!

But I introduced myself and, yes I did notice that he was attractive. He was kinda beefy like me, but not as tall. He sorta looked like a squashed version of me. And he had on this very distracting v-neck shirt that showed off a lot of chest hair. Plus, he was wearing very revealing gym shorts - who does that in November!? Anyways, he was pretty hot - I kinda filed it away for later...maybe imaginary Jeff could join imaginary Kurt and Dave that night. 

We talked about video games a little - he was raving about the new playstation that’s gonna come out next year, but I’m more an Xbox guy, so I didn’t really care. And then he said something that kinda floored me. 

“I think playing video games naked is the best way to play, don’t you?” 

At first I was gonna be all like, well duh! Hence, Sunday… But then I realized he was flirting - in a really weird way. And I know weird flirting, Kurt makes fun of the way I flirt all the time! So I just shrugged and said I should probably head off. But he wasn’t letting me get away just yet,

“Do you wanna come back to my place and play - my folks are out for the night.” 

And I honestly cannot tell you what got into me - well, other than my horniness being at like level one thousand - cause I answered back, “Would we actually play any video games?” Like what the fuck, Dave! 

He smiled and shook his head, “Nah, but I would love to see what that shirt looks like on my bedroom floor.” 

Okay, so here’s the thing - I firmly believe that there’s a multiverse out there. Millions of worlds that are created every time we make one decision over another - and let me tell you, I bet some of the multiverses based on the decisions I’ve made have to be pretty epic. But I really believe there was a universe out there, where a very single and very horny Dave walked into GameStop, met hot Jeff and jumped at the chance for naked video games - but not so much video games - play time. Cause that Dave would have loved to find out if this sexy squashed version of himself could keep up with the horniest guy in Lima. 

But - this was not that universe. No, cause this Dave has a smoking hot boyfriend who makes me so happy that sometimes I forget my own name when I think about how happy I am with Kurt. And yeah, lesser men would probably be all lonely and shit and moaning about how their boyfriend’s so far away - but I’m not that guy. And do you know why? First, because I hate cheaters - my mom cheated on my dad and it really fucked him up, so cheating is like a never gonna happen kinda thing with me! And second, cause I have friends to hang out with - a best friend who’ll play video games with me or go on crazy adventures like buying sex toys. I have friends who love that my D&D character is a gay cross dressing Orc. And I have a really smoking hot boyfriend, who listens to me and talks to me and tells me he loves me and who sometimes helps me get off over the phone, even if he finds it awkward. 

And I also have two hands - both of which are really good at burping my worm - and I have three fun little sex toys (what?! Yeah, I went back and bought more, okay?!) and a good collection of fancy lubes. 

So, I smiled at this cute guy and shook my head, “Nah, but thanks for the offer. I’m pretty sure my boyfriend would dump my ass and I love him too much to cheat on him.”

Jeff looked horrified, shook his head and tried to give me a smile, “Oh fuck, I’m sorry - I didn’t know. I wouldn’t have asked if I knew you had a boyfriend.” 

I was all like, “It’s cool dude, it’s not like I have a tattoo that says ‘Kurt’s property’. So don’t worry.” Then we talked about Mass Effect for a while before I headed home - already picturing what an eiffel tower might look like with Kurt, Jeff and I. Um, hello, late night fantasy. 

-/-

I told Kurt all about Jeff and his seriously lame attempt at picking me up during our usual nightly chat. He couldn’t stop laughing - finding a particular offense in Jeff trying something as lame as “I bet that shirt would look good on my floor”. 

“Like, honestly, where's the originality?! Where’s the creativity?!”

“Well, the naked video games line was pretty good.” 

“Do you actually play video games naked?”

I momentarily flashed back to Sunday and the number of times I found myself literally bouncing on my plug before having to pause Arkham City to go jack off - “Yeah, sometimes I do.” 

“I’ve never seen you do that.” 

“Kurt, anytime I’m naked with you, playing video games is the furthest thing from my mind.” 

“Well - that’s very true.”

We settled into a really nice conversation about video games and someplace in New York called Forbidden Planet, that Kurt thinks I’ll just love. At first, I was like - oh, sex store! But no, just a huge comic book store. And yeah, I gotta admit, I will love that. 

But it was a nice conversation - and nothing we talked about was making me horny! Except for the vague sense of horniess I always feel - not helped by the fact I was lying on my bed, wearing only boxer briefs. And then - he did it again. Inadvertently and innocently did something that sent all my pistons firing. 

I heard this sucking noise. “Kurt what’s that noise?”

“Sorry, I’m eating candy - Rachel and I went to Dylan’s Candy Bar. God, Dave, you’ll love it - they have like every kind of candy imaginable.” 

He knows I love me some good sour candy - “I’m adding that to my must do list when I come visit.” 

“I splurged and got myself this crazy rock candy lollipop with gold flake on it - I should not be eating this before bed, but fuck it.” Then there was the sound of sucking - really intense sucking. And I’m instantly hard. 

The image of Kurt sucking on a candy - any candy - was enough to almost make me double over in lust. I could see the way his cheeks would hollow out and his nostrils would flare to pull in more air...and how sometimes when he’s giving me a blow job this little bead of sweat… 

Oh fuck! Bad thought...bad thought...Think of Kurt’s dad. Burt Hummel Burt Hummel Burt Hummel

“So, uh...what else did you, uh buy?!” My voice sounded a little higher pitched than normal, mostly because my hand had my balls in a hard grip, trying to quell the my raging hardon. 

Kurt, once again completely ignorant of my anguish, started describing what sounded like a fuck ton of candy - including a little tin of sour candy that he’s sending to me the next day. So, I focused on that - on getting a little care package from Kurt - and I reminded myself to send him one soon. What I didn’t focus on was the sound of Kurt sucking on that fucking rock candy. But the sound was so loud - and so so sexy. I was so horny that my hips were involuntarily thrusting into the air. 

God! This is so not fair! 

Maybe I should have said something like - “Well, if you were here, you could suck on something else…” which could have set a mood. But Kurt sounded so happy just chattering away about candy. 

And then he went and made it worse - he moaned! Like actually fucking moaned about the damn candy in his mouth. And, my god, my dick somehow got even harder. I knew I wasn’t going to last until the end of the phone conversation - there was no way, not with him sucking and moaning and making all his usual Kurt noises, many of which I find extremely sexy. 

I was inching my briefs off and starting to actually stroke my dick, planning on quietly doing what needed to get done without derailing Kurt’s attempt of winning a Tony with his ‘what I bought at the candy store’ monologue. And I’ve gotten really good at being quiet about jacking off, ever since I realized my dad had figured out that I was doing in my room pretty much all the time. When suddenly the gods smiled down at me - “Oh, shit, Dave. Can I call you back? Rachel wants to talk about some song choice she needs to make for class on Monday.”

“Sure, Kurt, I’ll be up for a while - just call back when you’re free. I love you.” I could have jumped for joy, I knew that Rachel would keep Kurt occupied for at least an hour or two. He said I love you too and then was gone. 

I kicked off my briefs and jumped off the bed - as much as I wanted to just come right then and there, I also kinda wanted something a little extra. I opened my bottom dresser drawer and grabbed my latest little sex toy - a beaded dildo. It kinda looks like a bunch of increasingly larger balls, all piled on top of one another. And I’ve found I can use it with almost no prep. 

I lubed up - very quickly giving myself a little stretch - and lay back on the bed. Spreading my legs, I slid the first bead in - my head fell back with a moan. As I push each bead into me - I thought about those noises Kurt was making on the phone. But it’s no fucking candy he’s sucking on - no this time, he’s posed on all fours above me, sucking my cock into his mouth. And he’s the one pushing the toy into me - sucking me off while he fucks me with the damn dildo. 

I pushed the third bead into my ass - two more to go - as imaginary Kurt sucks in the whole length of my cock, his cheeks bulging slightly at my girth. I groaned and thrust up into my hand. Another bead - oh fuck yeah - Kurt starts to move his head, creating as much suction as he can while he pulls up before letting go and swallowing me whole again. 

I - no Kurt pushes in the largest of the beads and I cry out softly. I pulled my hand away from my ass, leaving the dildo in place and started to play with my nipples. Of course, it’s not me who’s doing it - it’s imaginary Kurt. Kurt has picked up his pace now - he’s really found his rhythm on my cock. And with every bop of his head, he twists my nipple, I’m whimpering and moaning. 

I’m writhing on my bed - thoughts of imaginary Kurt deep throating me - moaning, whimpering and crying out Kurt’s name, begging him not to stop, pleading for him to fuck me. God I must sound like such a slut. It felt so good - my ass stretched wide and so full, my nipples so hard and tender and with every twist or roll of my fingers a lightning bolt goes straight to my dick. And my cock was so hard - it was actually throbbing in my hand. My hips are pistoning up into the air and I’m starting to gasp for breath. 

“Oh jesus jesus…” 

I knew I had seconds - I could feel myself right at the edge - and just as my imaginary Kurt pulled up, ready to deep throat me again, I came. I twist my head to the side and bury my face into the pillow - “Oh Jesus Kurt! Yes! Fuck...I love your mouth!” I rode the orgasm like it’s a stallion - my body bucking and thursthing and writhing like I’m on some insane carnival ride. Every pore on my body was perspiring. I felt like I’m flying. 

Slowly, I came back down to myself - body heaving. I opened my eyes and looked down at myself - my stomach was covered in cum. I trailed a finger through my spunk and slipped it into my mouth - moaning at the taste. Then, I reached down and pulled out the beaded dildo - gasping as it leaves my body. I slowly get up, wipe up the mess on my stomach with an old gym shirt and waddle to the door, pulling on my robe. 

I waddled to the bathroom and did a more thorough job of cleaning up - making it back to my room just in time to see my phone was ringing. I grab it, smiling a relaxed and utterly sated grin. “Hey babe - how was Rachel’s song?” 

**The One Time I Didn’t Have to Lone Ranger It.**

I’m just gonna say - I hate Christmas! Well, okay, not Christmas in general - like it’s pretty cool as a concept. Me and Dad usually go away for Christmas to either Cleveland or Grand Rapids or even skiing in Alpine Valley, but this year was going to be different! This year, me and dad were going to spend the holidays with Kurt and his family - until Kurt’s boss announced that she needed him in New York over the holidays. And...now it’s too late for dad to book anything good. 

There was a little talk about me going to New York - but I don’t think my dad liked the idea of me going on my own, even if Kurt was going to be there. Dad’s still a little touchy after the whole ‘Dave tried to take his own life’ thing - which, yeah. I get one hundred percent. But…

...and just hear me out….  
  
I really want to see Kurt. And yeah, okay, I want to do all those things a couple gets to do on their first Christmas together - buy each other little gifts, go for walks in the snow while holding hands, drink hot chocolate and lick whipping cream off...Okay, fuck! Fine! Here’s the truth! What I really want is to have sex. I want to have sex with my boyfriend! I want to suck his cock. I want him to suck mine. I want his cock in my ass and I want to fuck him. I. Want. Sex. 

Is that so bad of me? I mean, I’ve been a good boy, right? I’ve waited patiently - I supported him in everything. I’ve never pushed him to come home and see me. I’ve never even pushed him to have phone sex with me or cam sex - always just letting it happen organically. I’ve cuffed the carrot maybe a million times since September, and not once did I complain - cause he’s living his dream and he’s waiting for me to get there in June! 

And I’ve laughed in the face of every guy that’s asked me out - because I have Kurt! So, why couldn’t the fucking universe throw poor old horny Dave a bone? And just let me see Kurt? 

Plus, I’m pretty sure that if I don’t get to have sex with my boyfriend soon, Az might drive to New York and kidnap Kurt just to make me shut up about it. Like today, at the mall when we were shopping with Tina and Sam, I was certain that he was going to dump his peppermint mocha on my head. 

I had just wandered back to the group, after taking a small detour into Nordstrom to pick up some new underwear - I’d recently watched a couple videos and discovered I have a thing for underwear. And after ordering myself a couple pairs of, what Kurt called, the smallest pair of briefs he'd ever seen, I wanted more. So I decided to see what I could find at the boring old Lima Mall. 

Shockingly, Nordstrom sold PUMP and 2(X)IST - which are like the gayest underwear brands around! So, I stocked up - and was not at all surprised that I was sporting a semi as I paid, already thinking about trying them on that night, maybe with my friend Porky the Plug in place. 

(yes, I named it) 

But, as was the case these days, the moment I started thinking about that - about putting in the plug and how awesome it feels every time, and then the eventual orgasm I’d bring myself to later on - I started thinking about how badly I wanted Kurt there. And how horny I was for my boyfriend. And naturally, Az knew what I was thinking the moment I walked out of the store. 

“Fuck, you’re thinking about Kurt again, aren’t you?”

“Well, he is my boyfriend, Az. So, yeah.” 

“But is this a ‘I miss Kurt and want to be with him’ kind of thought or is it a ‘I want to get naked and do the gay sex with him’ kind of thought?”

“Why do you always have to call it ‘the gay sex’?” 

“Because I don’t want to describe specifics.” 

“You can just say sex - it’s kinda the same, just we have the same parts.”

“Dude, what Chrissy and I do is nothing like what you and Kurt do - or whatever your depraved mind constantly drums up.” 

“Maybe you’re doing it wrong? And I don’t think about sex constantly.” 

“Right, and I’m a white guy named Arnold. Dave, you call yourself the horniest guy in Lima - we all know that you think about sex literally every waking moment, and probably while you’re sleeping too. And I’m not doing it wrong!” 

“Fuck off - I just miss him okay - sex or not, I just miss him.” 

“So, go to New York.”

“I can’t, I promised my dad. He’s still freaked out from last February.” 

“I think he’d be cooler with it than you know.” 

“Nah. Look, it’ll be okay. Kurt and I will just keep doing what we’re doing and I’m gonna talk my dad into letting me go for Valentine’s day or something.” 

“Whatever. Look, maybe things will all work out in the end - you never know. Now, can you please stop being horny for like five seconds and come help me find something for my girlfriend?”

We wandered around the mall, while Az stressed over a necklace versus a scarf - I managed to talk him into a really nice silk scarf cause I remembered Kurt telling me that was a fashion classic and you could never go wrong with one. But while Az was buying the scarf at Nordstroms, I made a decision. I was going to talk to dad tonight and I was going to convince him to let me go to New York for New Years. 

I could handle Christmas alone - that was no biggie - but I was not going to be alone on New Years. I was going to start 2013 by kissing my boyfriend while fireworks went off behind us. And then, naturally, I was going to fuck him until he saw fireworks. Dad would agree - I was sure of it! (Well, maybe as long as I left out the fucking Kurt stuff in my plea). 

I knew I had to make sure dad agreed, especially since over dinner at the Cheesecake Factory, when I got my slice of salted caramel cheesecake, all I could think of was whipped cream and caramel sauce smeared all over my body and Kurt slowly licking it off, while he had two fingers...FUCK! 

...do you see what I mean? I needed to have sex, soon! I couldn’t even eat dinner without making it disgusting!

So, dinner pretty much cinced it for me - I had to get to New York. I had to see Kurt! No matter what stood in my way - demanding bosses, overprotective dads, expensive plane tickets...whatever. I needed Kurt. 

And as Az was driving me home after dinner, telling me all about his plan to take his girlfriend sledding on Christmas Eve, I started to plan out my case. I was eighteen years old, I had a part-time job at Alter Ego Comics, I was still doing therapy every week and even my therapist said I was stable enough for a trip, and I wouldn’t be alone in New York - I’d be with my boyfriend. It was as solid a case as any of my dad’s closing arguments in court had ever been. 

When we pulled up to my house, and I was getting out, Az suddenly held a fist out to me - which I bumped like the bro that I am. But then he said the weirdest thing - “Go get ‘im big guy!” I stared at him - go get what? Go get my dad? I mean, yeah, I’d mentioned my plan for New Years, but still that was a weird way to say good luck. Or, oh god, had he figured out my plan to to put in my butt plug, wear my slutty new briefs and play video games all night? No...there was no way he’d know any of that. Unless, I’m so fucking horny that I now unconsciously start talking about my masturbation plans out loud!

I just smiled a slightly embarrassed smile and nodded, mumbling my thanks and telling him I’d call him on Wednesday night to see how sledding went. I got out and hurried into the house. I could hear my dad in the kitchen - doing something. 

As I was taking my shoes off, he appeared in the doorway to the kitchen - he had his coat on. “Hey Dave, how was the mall?”

“It was okay, I found your gift and Az finally found something for Chrissy. Are you going out?” 

“Great! Yeah, I’m heading out to meet a friend for a drink. You’ll be okay here?”

“Yeah! I’ll be fine!” Never has my father said something more wonderful! Fuck video games and fuck the plug - I’m breaking out the dildo and I’m gonna be so loud I might break a window. Especially likely as I just discovered, the dildo has a suction cup, and sticks to things! Ever fuck yourself against a wall? No? Oh fuck man, you should! 

My joy at being left alone - and the reasons for that joy - must have been extremely evident on my face, because he laughed softly, slapped me on the shoulder and said, “Have a great night, Dave! Have fun.” Ugh! When your dad knows how big of a horn dog you are and he finds it funny...well, you might have a problem. 

I picked up my bags and ran up the stairs - taking them two at a time. My ass was already twitching in anticipation of what was to come. I’d bought some really fancy lube this week - Boy Butter - but hadn’t tried it yet. Well, tonight was the night. God - what music was I going to listen to while I was jackin' the beanstalk? 

As I got to my room, I was humming some Adam Lambert song I’d heard at the mall, also I was picturing a naked Adam Lambert...mmmm yeah, let’s see what imaginary Dave and Kurt would do with imaginary Adam Lambert. Then I opened my door. 

And sitting, crossed legged on my bed, flipping through my copy of a New York City guidebook and fiddling with Porky the Plug, was my smoking hot boyfriend. 

“Kurt!?” 

“Surprise! Merry Christmas babe.” He tossed the book to the side and grinned happily at me.

Four things happened almost simultaneously - first, I got instantly and insanely hard. Second, I took in his appearance - and it made me even harder. He'd filled out a little, like he’d gotten a bit more muscular and he’d grown some stubble, almost as if he’s going for some kind of facial hair action. And the idea of that rubbing against my hole…fuck. Third, all thought of my original plan of action went out the window, and fourth, I dropped my bags and launched myself at him, we collided and fell back against the bed. 

He let out this loud squeal as my body hit his and my arms wrapped themselves around him. “Dave!”

“You’re here! You’re here! Oh my god! You’re really here!” I was kissing him like crazy, every spot on his beautiful face and neck. My hands were touching him all over - as if I just wanted to make sure he was real. “What are you doing here!?” 

He was laughing and kissing me back with just as much force and intensity. “I’ll tell you if you let up for a second.” 

With a great deal of reluctance, I pulled back, but stayed where I was, hovering over him on the bed - I’m pretty sure I hurt my face because I was smiling so hard. I stared down at him - he was smiling just as hard. “Hi.” I said softly. 

“Hi yourself handsome.” 

“What are you doing here?”

“I’m here to give you your Christmas gift.” 

“What am I getting?” 

Kurt just smirked, “First, I’d like you to tell me about this guy here.” He picked up the butt plug. “Cause I’ve seen your purple monster and that intense looking beaded thing you have - but I’ve never seen you use this one.” 

I leaned down and kissed him. “That’s Porky the Plug.” 

“Excuse me?” 

“Porky - he and I have a special relationship.” 

“Oh?”

“I like having him in when I play video games or sometimes when I’m cleaning my room or...well there was that one time I put him in and then didn’t have time to take him out before eating dinner with dad. That was awkward.” 

“Um - sorry, you just put this in...and wait, what!?” 

“Yeah.” I duck my head and pressed my face against his neck, blushing.

“That’s...so, yeah, that’s hot.” 

I smiled against his skin. “Want me to put it in now?” I let my hand wander down his side and settle on his crotch - I could feel he was hard. I almost whimpered. 

He moaned and bucked his hips into me, “Don’t you, uh, need some prep?”

“Just a little - I use Porky so much, I think my ass has just gotten used to it. I was thinking of getting a bigger one.” 

Kurt was quiet for a second, he pressed his face against my neck and I could feel his hot breath. He pulled back and stared at me - “Dave?”

“Yeah, babe?” 

“Lock your door and take your clothes off.” 

In what Kurt would later tell me was like a scene similar to an old Warner Brothers’ cartoon, I moved like a mad man and raced to lock the door. I managed to kick one of my bags back out into the hallway, I grabbed it and tossed it over my shoulder - it crashed into my desk and knocked over my lamp. Then I slammed the door, locked it and started to take my clothes off. Unfortunately, I attempted to take both my pants and shirt off at the same time - which resulted in me hopping around the room on one leg with my shirt half off. 

I managed to yank my henley off, tossing it on the ground, and yanked my pants down - revealing my bright yellow PUMP briefs. I was about to take them off, when Kurt yelled “Stop!” 

I paused and stared at him. “What’s wrong?”

“These are new.” 

“My underwear?”

“I saw the pink and red ones - these are even smaller. How is that possible?” 

“I know!” I pose proudly, thrusting my hips out a bit. “Do you like them?” 

He just smirks at me and wiggles his fingers, “Come here, please.” 

I kicked off my pants and pulled off my socks - cause socks during sex, um ew. I tried to swagger over to him, he laughed softly at me. I just grinned. 

His hands were soft and gentle as he stroked my side - I shuddered and had to force myself not to come right then and there. He paused and watched my face for a second, then he slowly started pulling down my briefs - leaning forward and pressing his lips to the thin material covering my cock. I moaned and let my head fall back. He yanked down my briefs and gripped my hard cock with his hand, my hips bucked involuntarily. 

“God, Kurt!” 

He just hummed softly, and sucked me into his mouth. I couldn’t help it - I cried out because I’ve wanted this for so long. I’ve missed his mouth so badly, and as his tongue swirled around the head of my cock, my whole body broke out in hot gooseflesh. It was the most delicious feeling in the world. 

I finally looked down at him. His mouth was wrapped around the entirety of my cock and he’s looking up at me with hooded eyes that were filled with such longing that I had to struggle, yet again, to not come on the spot. But I also noticed that he was still clothed - which was not okay. 

“You have too many clothes on.” I sounded hoarse. 

I watched in amazement as he slowly pulled off my cock. He grinned and nodded. “That I do. Want a strip tease?” 

“Oh fuck, yes please.” 

“First...I want to see Porky in action. Get on on all fours, I didn’t think it was a life goal to put a butt plug in my boyfriend, but you know, it really is.” 

Laughing, I leapt on the bed, assuming the position, with my ass in the air. He leaned down and kissed me. “Where’s your lube?” 

“Bedside table.” 

I heard him open the drawer and he made a small impressed noise, “You have a lot of lube.” 

“I wanted to try them out and see what I liked.” 

He paused and placed his hand on the small of my back, “Dave - how often do you do this?” 

“Jack off? Or use a toy?”

“Both.” 

“Uh, well I jack off like five or six times a day and usually I use a toy a few times a week...sometimes more if I’m really horny.” 

“Jesus - you weren’t joking about being horny, were you?”

“Horniest guy in Lima, babe. Self proclaimed. And, uh, not that I don’t mind talking - but my ass is in the air, and I’m painfully hard...so, please...put the plug in me.” 

He laughed and I heard the sound of the jar opening, then two soft and slick fingers were rubbing at my hole. I moaned and closed my eyes, then his fingers were pushing into me - I heard him gasp at how little resistance there is. I realized that I did finger myself in the shower that morning, so I might be still a bit loose from that. He slowly started to stretch me out, I was moaning and pushing back against his fingers. It felt amazing. 

“More Kurt! Please.” 

He groaned as he added a third finger. I buried my face into the blanket, nodding and moaning and almost gasping over how good it felt. Suddenly the fingers were gone, I wanted to scream at the loss of them, but then the familiar press of my plug was there - pushing into me. As it slid in, I gripped the sheets and let out a small cry. That fullness was so real and familiar - I instantly started humping the air, exactly like I do everytime I put it in. But this time it was hotter - better than ever before, because it was Kurt who put it in. 

“You okay, Dave.” 

I nodded, keeping my eyes closed, getting used to how full it made me feel. “Yeah - god, you doing that...jesus. We’re doing that more often.” I moved slowly to sit on the bed, winching and moaning as my ass pressed down on the mattress, which pushed the plug a little deeper. Kurt was watching me, this amazed look on his face. “What?” 

“I love you. And you’re so hot like this - so turned on...” 

“I love you too. And it’s all because of you, babe. Now, about that strip tease?”

He laughed and stood up, slowly starting to unbutton his shirt, shimmying towards me as he pulled it off his body - revealing that beautiful expanse of creamy white skin. I moaned and leaned forward, reaching out and letting my hand trail down his chest. He danced slowly back, out of my reach and started to undo his pants. I start drooling the moment he pushes down his jeans, revealing a pair of what look like expensive boxer briefs - the outline of his hard cock is visible, I had a hard time not dropping to my knees and mouthing it through the fabric. Then, he looped his fingers into the waistband and pulled it down - revealing that beautiful dick. I reach out to him, “Come here.” 

He moved like silk across my room, until I could wrap my arms around him. I immediately ducked my head and took his dick into my mouth, humming softly around it. I felt him shuddered in my arms. This was so perfect - he felt so perfect, he tasted so perfect. I slowly started to suck at his cock - making sure to put what I thought was just enough pressure, as I started to strike up a rhythm. 

He tangled his fingers into my hair, gripping at the short curls and guiding my motions. I moaned at the loss of control. This was my favorite way to give him a blow job - both of us working in unison to bring him as much pleasure as possible. He was moaning and bucking his hips. After a few moments - not that I wanted it to end at all, I just wanted more - I pulled off. 

“Kurt?” 

“Yeah, babe?” 

“Please fuck me.” 

He stroked my cheek softly, “I thought you’d never ask.” 

I moved to get back onto my knees, but he grabbed my arm, I looked at him - questioning. 

“I want to see your face - I’ve been fantasizing about this for months.” 

“Oh?” My face broke out into a huge grin. “You fantasize about me?”

“Please, Dave?”

He doesn't have to ask me twice, I flipped onto my back and pulled my legs up towards my chest - I watched in utter amazement as he positioned himself on his knees and slowly lubed up his cock - oh god! The anticipation. As awesome as my plug and dildos are, nothing is as amazing as the feeling of Kurt’s cock in me. I was vibrating - I wanted it so bad. I felt him grip the plug and slowly start to remove it - I groaned as it slipped out. He dropped it on the floor. 

“Ready?”

“I’ve been ready since September, Kurt. Please!” 

The feeling of the head of his cock sliding into me - the incredible heat from his body - was so much more intense than anything else I’ve done. As he slid into me, my whole body felt like it was on fire - like I could feel him everywhere! As he bottomed out in me, fuck the only way I could describe it was as though he was fucking every inch of me! 

“Move Kurt! Fuck me!” 

He grunted and started to roll his hips - moving his cock in and out of my body - and I was awash in the sensations of his body against mine, the feeling of his fingers gripping my meeting hips, the sound of his hips hitting my ass, the feeling of his cock moving in and out of my ass. It took me all of a second to realize that he was already breathing heavily - like he’d been turned on by the thought of this for hours. 

I opened my eyes and looked up at him - he’s staring at me with wide and excited eyes. “Fuck, Dave, you look so amazing like this! My big beefy bear taking my cock!” 

“Oh Fuck! Call me that again!” 

“You’re so hot, my big bear!” 

“Fuck! So are you! Oh god, Kurt - please, fuck me faster. Harder!” 

Kurt picked up his pace, gripping my hips so hard he left bruises, and he leaned down so he could kiss me, I hooked feet across his back, locking him in place. His mouth was hot against mine as he slammed into me. I was making so many insane noises - moaning, crying, probably screaming his name. My dick was trapped between our sweaty stomachs, but there was just enough friction to guarantee that I was going to come - and soon! 

“Dave...I’m…”

“Do it! Fuck! Please...in me! I’m so close too! God, God PLEASE!” 

He rolled his hips again, and thrusted even harder and faster - shaking my body with the sheer force of it. God it felt like that - him hammering into my ass, using me like that! I felt so connected to him. And I could hear that he was making that wonderful little whimpering noise that told me he’s going to come - and with another hard thrust, he pressed his mouth to mine in a hard bruising kiss as his entire body went rigid. And I felt that hot flush of his cum flooding my body.

I swallowed his scream and responded with my own as my orgasm rocketed through me - I was coming harder than I ever thought possible. 

“FUCK! KURT!” 

My whole body was burning hot and I was shaking and shuddering all over. I could feel his hands on my face, as he kissed me on my lips and then my eyelids and my forehead. It was when he kissed my cheeks that I realized I’m crying. 

Oh for fuck’s sake! I’m crying because of an orgasm. 

Slowly he pulled out and I gasped loudly. But then he’s flopping down next to me and snuggling into my chest, kissing me and whispering quietly in my ear. 

When I turned my head to look at him, he’s just grinning - he’s all flushed and his hair is a mess and he looks so hot…

...oh my god! I cannot be getting turned on again!

“Kurt...that was amazing.” I pressed a kiss to his lips. 

He responded to the kiss eagerly. “Are you okay? You were crying - and that was quite the scream there at the end.” 

“I’m perfect! Thank you - I was just really worked up. I’ve missed this - god, I’ve missed you.” 

He lay his head against my chest, sighing contentedly, and running his fingers through my chest hair, “I’ve missed you - and this - so much, Dave. I’m glad your dad, my dad, Az and Sam all talked me into this.” 

“What?” 

“Your christmas gift.” 

“Wasn’t that my gift?”

“Think of that as more of a stocking stuffer.” 

“Emphasis on the stuffing?”

“Don’t be gross - being horny does not mean you have to be gross.”

“Sorry.” I giggled. 

“It’s okay - but yeah, that was more stuffing than stocking.” 

“Whose gross now!?”

“Anyways, your gift.” 

“Right - what am I getting? Are you staying for Christmas?”

“No. But neither are you.” 

“Huh?”

“We’re flying back tomorrow morning - you, me, New York until January second.”

“What?!” 

“Yeah - our dads bought us the tickets as a gift, and Az and Sam are taking your shifts at work. So, what do you say - want to spend eleven days in New York with me?” 

I didn’t even bother replying, I just kissed him. Until I realized something - pulling back from the kiss, I narrowed my eyes at him. “Wait, did they all know this was happening today?”

“Yeah - Az pretended to need your help buying a gift so you’d be preoccupied, giving me time to get here and surprise you. I think our dads are actually off drinking, probably trying to ignore the fact their sons are having sex.”

“This is amazing. Thank you.” 

“Don’t thank me! I’m excited to have my boyfriend in the same bed as me for the next eleven days! Although Rachel might actually file a noise complaint - she’s threatened to do it once already.” 

“What why?” 

“Dave...you might be the horniest guy in Lima, but, well, I’m the horniest guy in New York. And I’m really tired of being so well acquainted with my left hand.” 

Laughing, I pulled him into a searing kiss, whispering against his lips, “Kurt, you gotta learn to be ambidextrous! It really helps!” 

**********************

  
“And that, my friend the elf, is how the horniest guy in Lima, ended up spending Christmas in New York!” 

“DUDE! What the fuck!? I just asked you how long you were staying in New York, and whether you wanted to try the harness in blue,, or do you like the red one?” The sales guy - who for some reason was dressed in a leather elf costume - was staring at me like I had completely lost my mind. And I suppose, I can’t blame him, all he did was ask me was how long I was going to be in town for. 

But, in my defense, when he asked me my name, I did introduce myself as the Horniest guy in Lima, Ohio - and he did say “I bet there’s a story there!” So, I gave him the story - every last detail! Cause who can you tell, if you can’t tell the half naked elf that’s helping you try on leather harnesses?!

I noticed the guy was still staring at me - oh, he’s expecting an answer. Blushing, I just shook my head and turned back to admire what the red harness looks like. It’s black leather, with red detailing - there’s a long leather strap, with an O ring, that sits directly across my pecs, with two seperate pieces, attached by heavy metal rings, that act as the sleeves - sitting perfectly on top of my shoulders. The guy had tightened it just right so that it pushes out my chest, making my pecs bulge a little more than normal, and I love the way it was kind of tight on my arms, highlighting my biceps. The strap across my chest is mirrored by one across my back, only there’s a biger O ring on the back - perfect for grabbing hold of while Kurt’s fucking me. Course the front ring will be great for him to hold onto when I’m plowing into him. 

I really liked what I looked like in it - and I gotta admit, I love that I’m feeling so much more confident in my body. I know that’s because of all the sex! But I don’t care that I had love handles and my chest is covered in hair or that my pecs are solid but with the tiniest bit of flab. I’m hot...I’m Kurt’s hot kinda muscle bear. 

And the harness...well, it was exactly what I wanted. I turned slowly, taking in the whole sight and unsurprisingly I’m getting hard. My ass twitches at the idea of wearing it tonight in bed - but then again my ass had been twitching all day, since I was wearing Porky 2.0 in it. How was it that when I’m having sex every day, somtimes four or five times a day, that I’m even hornier than when I’m not!?

“Dave? Are you still trying stuff on?” I heard Kurt’s voice as he walked down the stairs into the leather section of the store. 

“Yeah, come check me out.” I turned proudly towards the stairs, flexing a little for him. 

He flushed heavily when he saw me, his mouth dropping open and I’m happy to see that he has to readjust himself. “Tell me you’re buying that…” 

“I am. It’s fucking expensive, but gran send me money for Christmas.”

“I’ll make up the difference - but we need to own that.” 

“Deal!” I turned back to the mirror and admired myself again. “I look hot.” I whisper softly. 

“Dave - you always look hot. Leather or no leather, this just...accentuates it.” 

I just blushed as he came up next to me, wrapping his arms around my midsection - “I love you Dave.” He pressed a kiss to my chest. 

“I love you too, Kurt. I’m gonna get changed. Meet you upstairs? You promised to take me to that cupcake place, remember?” 

He kissed me, murmuring his agreement, and wandered off. I quickly changed back into my I Heart NY shirt, and gathered together the harness - carefully carrying it to the stairs. I could not wait to get out of here - and yeah cupcakes might be awesome and the pizza we were going to have for dinner would be fucking fantastic, but what was really going to be amazing was getting home, putting the harness on and finding out what kinds of things it might inspire us to do. Instantly I pictured Kurt straddling me - gripping the harness for dear life - while he rode my cock to oblivion...oh yeah, I was definitely going to be hard for the rest of the...oh! Are those cock rings?! 

Haven’t tried those yet! 

**Author's Note:**

> This is my first time writing smut of any kind - please be gentle, although Dave wouldn't want you to be. :) 
> 
> Thank you to SamaraKurtofsky for this little idea. Honestly, this was the MOST fun I've had writing something in ages!


End file.
